life lessons, relationships, Self-care

The Blame Game

I sometimes play The Blame Game. Have you ever played? It is not my go-to game, yet I can play it well when I’m feeling angry, frustrated or upset. Life comes with circumstances that ignite certain reactions where blaming and judging are popular choices. Better days invite in light, darker days invite in pain. Pain is friends with blame and they both love to play. Have you recently blamed or judged someone to later recognize that you were responding from pain?

I’ve blamed partners for what they did or didn’t do, I’ve blamed my boss for my attitude at work, I’ve blamed loved ones for not showing up the way I wanted, and I recently realized I’ve even blamed my mom for “letting go” and transitioning. The list can go on and on. I still blame. Now, more than ever though, I’m aware of this and I’m sick of this cycle. F*** this cycle!

Abraham Hicks speaks of the power of contrast and how others (contrast) can teach you about yourself from your interactions with them. After familiarizing myself with her message I began to focus on how others mirror back where I stand, and most importantly, what I carry. If you decide to try this approach, just be patient as these teachings take practice.

Life has a funny way of making you understand things when you claim to be ready to grow. As you might agree, life happens and sometimes in ways we do not expect. It’s a matter of what we are choosing to pay attention to that guides our path. Research shares that we learn 10% of what we read, 20% of what we hear, 30% of what we see, but retain 80% of what we experience. It is not until we experience a different perspective that ours widens. If we are open and willing to connect, instead of blaming, our understanding deepens.

I’ve realized I become defensive and blame others when I don’t want to focus on me. I blame as a way to protect me. I blame as a way to love me, but blaming is disturbing my connection with me, my growth, my light. It also impacts the way I express me, and of course, the way I respond to others. I am now more interested in understanding me, but my journey also involves learning from my mistakes on my way to Better-days.

When I faced my truth, I was disappointed and ashamed. Disappointed for not recognizing my own baggage and ashamed of the blame game I still sometimes play. Deciding to change my approach to pain and the way I protect it/me has now introduced me to new hurdles. Nevertheless, confronting my hurdles has rewards. I am understanding myself so much more, and what’s more beautiful is that I’m also understanding those who I’ve previously judged so much better. I am reconnecting with who I’ve been, who I am and shedding light into who I want to become.

On last week’s post, Xiomara spoke about forgiveness. I now choose to forgive me, when I blame, when I judge. I choose to understand me better, instead of criticizing me more. I choose to write in my angry journal, followed by acknowledging my achievements in my gratitude journal. I choose to start my day with a prayer and to end it with a meditation for me to receive clarity in whichever form it is offered. I am starting to enjoy losing in the blame game, as I want this game to be over. I am thankful for what blaming has brought to my awareness, but now I’m more interested in putting together the puzzle pieces of My Journey.

What about you?

Who are you forgiving? What game are you playing? More importantly, what are you choosing to pay attention to?

With an open heart,

Yari

 

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2 thoughts on “The Blame Game”

  1. I used to blame others until I realized I am responsible for my own feelings and that my own thoughts are the cause of my feelings. It is so convenient to blame, yet it leaves us powerless. Thanks for your thoughtful post.

    Like

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